As we grow, advance, and (hopefully) mature as adults, the
ways we live our lives should progress at an equal pace. What I find to be an
epidemic these days is that otherwise seemingly mature and well-
adjusted men have stuck to the dating habits they learned in
their early 20s, or maybe even late teens.
Back in those days (listen to me, sounding like an adult now
that I've turned 30), a lot of different things accomplished a lot of different
goals. Maybe you didn't really want a serious relationship. Maybe you hadn't
really figured out yourself or what you were looking for. But now that you've
matured past that phase in your life, you cannot expect to get better results
by utilizing the same old techniques.
If you're going to find yourself a nice girl who you'd feel
comfortable bringing home to mom, there are some strategies you're going to
have to leave behind — because they just don't cut it anymore.
1. The "let's just see where this goes" technique.
As you reach your 30s, and definitely after you
hit them, women are past the point of wasting their time
with guys who aren't serious about a future. Women are driven, successful, independent,
and want to be with a man who they can consider an equal teammate in life and
in love. The whole "I'm still figuring life out" thing isn't going to
cut it with a mature, established woman. Trust me; I know better than anyone that
life is tough and a lot of us probably have no idea what the hell we're doing. It's
not about having all of the answers — because nobody does — but it's about
having some semblance of a path in life that will make her feel comfortable
committing to you for the long run. Nobody wants to plan a future with someone
who doesn't have a future planned for themselves.
2. The "I'll wait 3 days to call," and other nonsense.
Traditional antiquated dating "rules" go out the window when a
certain level of maturity is reached. Call when you want to call, text when you
want to text. There are no rules or regulations when building a mature, healthy
relationship. If you start over-thinking everything and only doing what you
think you're supposed to do (or not do), the genuineness of your actions begins
to fade and give way to a more robotic structure to your relationship. How can someone
get to know the real you if you're manufacturing every step you take? Oh, they can't.
3. The "Hey, wanna meet up?" texts. I've mentioned
this one a few times before because it's an ongoing issue. If you want a woman
to take you seriously, you need to let her know that you're taking getting to
know her seriously. A last minute text to see if she wants to "meet up"
somewhere you're going to be, isn't exactly sending the message that you're
willing to put in effort for her. Meeting up for a drink isn't a date. Grabbing
a coffee isn't a date. A last minute text inviting her to join you out with
your group of friends isn't a date. Using the actual word and properly inviting
a woman on a date is the first step to actually making it one. The next step is
actually taking the time to plan something out. Stand out from the crowd by showing
her you're different than all the other guys — because you are.
4. Using your phone during the date. Honestly, this is so
cringe-worthy that I hate to even need to bring it up. Maybe when you're younger
you can both play around on the Instagram machine while you're waiting for your
fries and chocolate shake to be roller-skated over to the car. But you're an
adult now, and it's time to control your impulsive urges to check Facebook
every 5 seconds. I know that you're important and you need to see who just
liked your profile photo, but when you're on a date with a real-live woman who
is deserving of your attention, that's precisely what you should be giving her.
Have a real conversation, give her your full attention, and leave your phone in
your pocket.
5. Wasting time on people you're not into. I think we've all
probably spent a little too much time with someone who we knew, deep in our
hearts, wasn't right for us. The reasons
Could vary. Maybe you'd feel too guilty breaking it off with
them. Maybe you thought you'd develop
stronger feelings for them eventually. Maybe the sex was
great, but nothing else really was. When you're younger and not really looking
to plan a future, it may be nice to be with someone just for companionship as
long as you both are looking for the same thing. But when we get older, it's
time to get a little more serious about who we spend our valuable time with. If
you know in your heart it's not going to work in the long run, break it off for
both of your sake's. Nobody should be lead into a dead end.
6. Not being genuine about who you are. Too many people send
their "representative" on the first few days with someone new. You're
on your best behavior; you're polite, courteous, patient, and chivalrous... While
you should absolutely be all of these things, you should really, truly,
genuinely be all of these things. If you're not, don't pretend that you are,
because when the truth comes out it's just going to make things worse. If you don't
possess these qualities, work on yourself first and develop them before you enter
into a relationship with another person. "Fake it 'til you make it"
doesn't apply when someone's feelings are on the line.
7. Putting on your lame "going out in public" uniform.
Guys, the cargo shorts and Polo shirts are great for casual days with your
friends, but if you're taking a woman out on the town, you're going to need to
step it up. First impressions are important, and unless she's looking for a
frat boy, you're probably not going to want to look like one.
8.Letting her pay half. When friends go out, they split the
bill. When you're on a date, the man picks up the tab. All of it. There are
plenty of ways a woman can reciprocate if she'd like: she can take care of parking,
pick up a round of drinks, get the snacks at the show you got tickets for, whatever
it may be. But when the tab comes for dinner, don't let her anywhere near it
(and don't accept her offer to split it). If you think paying for the date is
about the money, think again. Of course, dating changes as we get older. Life
is all about progressing and evolving, but it doesn't happen automatically.
Things change on their own — we all know that happens without us needing to put
in any effort. But improvement? That takes work. Work, though, is what makes
the final result so rewarding: A happy, healthy relationship with a woman you
love.
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